April 29, 2005

this made me laugh today.


April 27, 2005

postsecret is the best website i have come across in a long time. it's one of those sites that just utterly takes your breath away and you just can't stop reading. (via stumble)

oh no. not again!

April 25, 2005

isabel has a unique and endearing method of protesting about having her hair brushed. basically you approach her wielding the hairbrush and she half-howls, half-shrieks, "oh no! not again! NOT AGAIN!!! i can't stand it!"

tonight i have been doing more physics and i just can't get her little voice out of my head.

first, a quote from the book: "Electricity is also involved in the control of all muscular and nervous activity in the body. Even the thoughts you have as you read these words are associated with electrical activity in your brain".

oh no. i didn't know that. it's like the carbon thing all over again, only even worse, because now they have reduced my entire body to a light switch. i don't like the idea of there being electricity going on inside me, that shit is dangerous. also, mattgreen has this phrase he uses: "put that in your mental microwave and see if it goes ping!" and to my horror it is now partially based in fact. i am never going to be able to laugh when he says that again.

and also - they have started going on about atoms having a nucleus. i have only just got to grips with CELLS having a nucleus. and atoms are not cells... or are they? maybe cells are made of atoms (because i know dna is a molecule, and that's within the nucleus of the cell...) which means cells have nuclei (sp?) which are made up of atoms with nuclei!!! NO! NOT AGAIN! I CAN'T STAND IT!

i swear to god i have no clue why i am doing this course. it is killing me. i don't need to know this stuff. blissful ignorance was great! hooray for blissful ignorance!

what next, snails and frogs legs for dinner?

April 22, 2005

(in the car on the way home from isabel's swimming lesson. i am desperately trying to stop her from falling asleep)

alicey: let's sing "heads, shoulders, knees and toes"!
(we do)
izzy: let's sing it again! loudly this time!
(we do)
izzy: now let's sing it in french!
alicey: (thinks) wtf??? where'd that come from?!

i have no clue what the french is for 'shoulders'. or even 'knees'.

physics vs toddlers

i hate to say this but i am actually quite enjoying physics.
i know, i know. it's hard to believe.

but the nice thing about physics is its all so logical. a lot of things in my life are incredibly subtle and random. small things such as the colour of hairbands or the choice of cracker can lead to earth-shattering meltdown. physics is almost a break from that because you know, you can't lose energy like you can lose a plastic camera. gravity doesn't whine at you five thousand times a day that it wants to play barbie game. energy doesn't hide small rocks in the grass and break the lawnmower.

cake is the food of the devil

April 18, 2005

last night, i went to an indian restaurant with a group of friends to celebrate my birthday. lee-anne goes to the restaurant regularly and knows the waiters, one of whom asks her if he can have a piece of my delicious birthday cake (which she made).

lee-anne: alice, can he have a slice of cake?
alicey: sure! (cuts slice for him and passes it over)
waiter: (looking at cake, slightly hesitantly) does it have alcohol in it?
lee-anne: oh shit yeah, you're muslim... well, err, a little bit.
alissa: it's probably evaporated by now!
lee-anne: you won't even notice it!
waiter: (looking slightly uncomfortable) oh, ok, thank you. i'll try it.
(waiter leaves)
sukesh: (conspiratorially) he's going straight to hell.


April 14, 2005

tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my birthday.

yes, that's right, i'm starting on friday and carrying on through until my hangover dissipates on monday. during that time, being on a diet and being a non-smoker are both temporarily suspended. i am also seeing every single one of my favourite people over the weekend (with the exception of my brother and i can't do much about that).

i love birthdays. especially mine. i am like a little kid. no wonder isabel gets excited about birthdays! this year i am having at least three cakes, two of which i have baked myself. i am going out for two meals in two different cities. i have created a special itunes playlist for the occasion. i am so excited!!

so. please allow me one final blaze of self-indulgence.

since i was 20 i have:
met the man i want to spend the rest of my life with
had the daughter i always wanted
got married
bought a house
owned five cars
been to ten countries
learned to drive
learned to cook
stopped being depressed

by the time i'm 40 i want to:
have a career that i love
be financially comfortable
be even more proud of my daughter than i already am
be even more settled and happy with my husband than i already am
have run a marathon
still be writing regularly

what happens after you die?

April 13, 2005

the comments on the last post are really interesting. i could easily write another whole post just about those, but i haven't got time. this is a really hectic week for me.

instead, i am going to post something i wrote for my world of warcraft message board, in response to the question, "what do you think happens after you die?"

i'm not religious and i think that once you die, that's it, it's all over.

but... what i would LIKE to happen is...

i would like to be able to view my whole life over again but from a different perspective. i'd like to be able to see what would've happened if i'd made different decisions - how would they have impacted my life?

what if i'd married my childhood sweetheart?
what if my parents had got divorced?
what if i'd never lived abroad when i was a child?
what if i'd gone to university?

i'd also be able to see videotapes of all the conversations about me that i've never heard (maybe only the good stuff). you could also 'hear' thoughts and feel other people's feelings.

i.e. friends saying nice things about you when you weren't there. or finding out that people you fancied (but were too scared to tell) actually fancied you back. or finding out that 16 strangers had thought, "wow, i really like her red coat".

and, of course, you could go back and re-experience the way you felt at key points in your life. i would SO have my wedding day a few more times, for example.

and when you got bored of your own life, you could switch to other peoples. you could see your friends, or celebrities, or the lives of famous people in history. you could go and watch the apple fall on newton's head, or feel the way armstrong felt after he landed on the moon.

it would totally rock!!
yes, i do think i am slightly insane.

more about death

April 07, 2005

when i arrived at nursery today, one of the staff took me to one side.
"we're a bit concerned about isabel," she said. "she's been talking about dying, and where you go to die". she looks at me quizzically. "she said you have rocks on your head when you die? we thought you might have had a recent bereavement".


April 06, 2005

the other day i was at merry hill shopping centre and i picked up a copy of their magazine.

i glanced at the front cover and immediately noticed the model had a strawberry birth mark on her neck. "wow," i thought, "good for them employing a model who isn't completely perfect!"

then, a second later, i noticed something that looked like blood coming out of her mouth and nose. "wait a second... strawberry birth mark AND a blood-guzzling vampire? she's even got the piercing vampire stare... surely not..."

eventually i noticed that there was a huge pink blob around her hairline. i guess it was just a printing error then. how dull. i think they should put vampires on the cover more often, personally.

hot fuss

it is very rare i come across an album i love so much that i don't want to listen to anything else.

that album is HOT FUSS by the killers.

it is so going to be my favourite record of 2005. it actually came out last year but i didn't start listening to it properly until january and i still can't get enough of it. every song is amazing. mr brightside and all these things that i've done are both good enough to be #1.

the worst part is that i don't even own it yet. it's on my amazon wish list and as it's my birthday in a couple of weeks i am banned from buying myself stuff at the moment. if nobody buys it for me i am going to go out and buy it myself ON MY BIRTHDAY because i can't wait any longer. then i am going to play it relentlessly in the car until everyone in my family knows all the words and begs me to stop.

it's not often i say this, but you have to hear this album. really, you do.

funny things my daughter has said lately

April 05, 2005

isabel is sitting at the table, talking to a banana.

izzy: mmm, mmm, yummy banana. oh, there's a yukky bit. yukky, yukky.... that's grim!


we are in the car and we drive past a cemetery.

isabel: mummy, what's that there for?
alicey: oh, that's a cemetery, that's where you're buried after you die.
isabel: mummy, are you going to die?
alicey: errr, well, yes, but not for a very, very, very long time.
isabel: but if you die i won't have a mummy or daddy!

the next day, we drive past the cemetery again.

izzy: (pointing out the window) that's where you go to die!
alicey: (laughing) no isabel, that's where you go after you've died.
izzy: what do you do then?
alicey: what, after you've died?
izzy: yes.
alicey: err (pause) wellllll.... it depends what you believe in. some people think you go up to heaven to be with the angels.
izzy: i think i'll be an angel!!
alicey: err, or, maybe nothing happens at all and that's just the end of that.
izzy: i think i'll be an angel!!
alicey: (desperately) or! or! you might come back as something else! like .... a princess!! or.. a bird! can you say reincarnation?
izzy: re-in-car-nion. i might be a princess later but i think i'll be an angel as well.


isabel is in the garden. i am blowing bubbles and she is running around chasing them trying to catch them.

izzy: got it! got it! got it!
alicey: ok izzy, i think that's enough now, shall we go back inside?
izzy: no! no!
alicey: no really, it's time to stop.
izzy: oh no.... mean and harsh.

how the hell am i going to fucking remember that?

April 02, 2005

(alicey is studying her biology block. mattgreen is reading websites)

alicey: (muttering) ...kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species...
mattgreen: i can tell you a mnemonic for that: kp crisps offer far greater selection.
alicey: that's crap.
mattgreen: no it isn't, i've remembered the classification order since i was 12 using that.
alicey: i'm going to invent one with swearing in it. there's an "m" in there for "motherfucker", isn't there?
mattgreen: er, no.
alicey: (peering at her book) oh. no there isn't an "m". oh, but there's a "c"! and a "f"! NO PROBLEMO!!

credibility dive....

April 01, 2005

okay, in a move blatently ripped from geordie's livejournal i'll post the names of ten bands and you then have to guess in the comments section which one of their songs i like the most. i'll edit the post if/when people get them right.

1. garbage [vow -alice]
2. drugstore [nectarine - ]
3. faith no more [we care a lot - ]
4. outkast [hey ya- alice]
5. counting crows [kid things - ]
6. voice of the beehive [i say nothing- alice]
7. nine inch nails [head like a hole- lee anne]
8. bush [glycerine - roj]
9. sisters of mercy [this corrosion- roj]
10. roxette [the look- roj]

yeah, i'll leave curve out of it. that would be unfair. lets see how many alice can get....

[curve - missing link from the cuckoo album]

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