Superhero Sidekick (in my dreams)

August 26, 2010

Lately I've been crazy busy at work. My boss has decided to recruit a volunteer to help me out and the reply slips have started coming in. The other day I spotted that one of the applicants is called Mr Evill.

Later, I told Mattgreen about this.

Me: Yeah, I really want him to get the job. That way I can feel like a superhero, by introducing him to people, "... and this is my assistant, Mr Evill"! Awesome huh?
Mattgreen: That's amazing. I want to be called Mr Evill.
Me: No.. you'd be Dr Evill.
Mattgreen: (mouth gapes open in expression of awe and joy)
Me: And Izzy would be Isabel Evill. We should totally change our name by deed poll.


August 20, 2010

We are on the plane on the way to Cyprus. In the seats behind us there is a single mother and her two hysterical girls. They are afraid of flying. One is whimpering pathetically and burying her head in her mother's shoulder. The other, older girl is muttering "I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it". The mother is trying to calm them both down in that gritted voice of a parent who is desperately clinging to the last of her patience.

We taxi down the runway. The engines roar. Just as the wheels lift off the ground, and the "I don't like it"s rise to a crescendo, I whisper in Mattgreen's ear:

"I'll give you a tenner if you start screaming"

Next step... Lord Mattgreen?

August 06, 2010

Mattgreen and I are watching an old episode of The Apprentice.

(on the TV) Debra: I've worked for a FTSE 250 company and I was one of the best salespeople...
Mattgreen: I've worked for a FTSE 100 company so you can kiss my iPhone.
Alice: (sniggering)
Mattgreen: You can quote me on that.

E type, schmee type

August 03, 2010

Mattgreen and I were driving home from Stourbridge on Sunday night. We were talking about Top Gear, and I was telling him about an episode I'd seen where Lewis Hamilton was having a go in Ayrton Senna's car, and how he (Lewis Hamilton) couldn't stop giggling like a little kid.

Me: Yeah, it was really weird, I mean, how can anybody get that excited about driving a car?
Mattgreen: Oh, I dunno, I reckon my Dad would get quite excited about driving an E-type Jaguar.

Me: Why?
Mattgreen: Because it's an aspirational car, isn't it? He's dreamed about driving one of those since he was a boy, it would be amazing to fulfil that dream.
Me: But why?
Mattgreen: It just would!
Me: But aren't they basically just like a Mondeo?
Mattgreen: (incredulously) Er, NO?! Nothing like a Mondeo, are you on crack?
Me: (offended, in hurt voice) But we just saw one earlier and it looked like a Mondeo to me.
Mattgreen: That wasn't an E-type Jaguar, that was an S-type Jaguar you nutter! The E-type is a gorgeous, sleek machine. The S-type is a slimy salesman's car.

Me: Oh. (pause) I wondered why your Dad would've wanted to drive one of them.
Mattgreen: He wouldn't!
Me: Well how am I supposed to know? I thought the E-type was the one they brought out a few years ago, then the F-type, then the G-type and so on until the S-type is the latest one...
Mattgreen: *grinds teeth*

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