One of Mattgreen's many endearing habits is to change the names of household items to make them sound more macho. For example, when he got some random espadrilles from TK Maxx, and I laughingly called them his sandals, he insisted that no, these were not sandals:



These, my friends, are MANdles. The name has stuck and become a normal noun in our house, e.g. "Where are your mandles?" or "Can I borrow your mandles?"

On another occasion, I'd made some florentines at Christmas and I had fucked them up. I'd rushed the recipe and forgotten some vital ingredient, I think it was flour. When I tried to put them on the baking tray they were all sloppy and wet and I announced them ruined. I was just about to throw the whole lot in the bin when Mattgreen stepped in. He scraped all the goo back into the bowl, added the flour, washed up and re-greased the baking tray and put them in the oven. Amazingly it did actually work and when they came out, I said, "Oh look! Your florentines look really good!" and Mattgreen said, "Those aren't florentines. They're MANentines".

This weekend, I went to the local hardware shop to get Matt some waterproof gloves to use to grout the patio. They suggested getting heavy duty rubber gloves. I got back and gave them to Mattgreen dubiously. "I hope Marigolds aren't too feminine for you," I said. He ripped them open. They were black. "These are MEN's marigolds," said Mattgreen, "MANigolds". Of course.