My bezzie mate Lee-Anne and I are going to see The Prodigy in a couple of weeks. The gig starts at 1.30pm and goes on until late. I was on the phone to Lee-Anne earlier and looking up the details on the venue's website at the same time.

Me: It says here you're not allowed to take food or drinks into the venue... how annoying!
Her: Yeah... you're only allowed to take water in.
Me: That's annoying... oh no hang on! (reading out loud from website) Visitors with special dietary requirements will be allowed to carry in food & medication.
Her: You haven't got special dietary requirements though.
Me: I have now! I'm a coeliac! I'm allergic to peanuts! I only eat Halal!
Her: *rolls eyes* My dad has a stick you can borrow...
Me: How will that help? Oooh look, I could say I was blind, it says here, No animals are permitted other than guide dogs for the blind and deaf. I could take Ludo and pretend she was a guide dog! We might get special seats at the front!
Her: Hmm. It would be quite hard to keep up the pretence with Ludo...
Me: I could be a crippled blind coeliac with my superbly well trained "guide" dog Ludo!