We're in B&Q, buying decorating supplies for our new house. There is a huge queue so we're using the self-checkouts. As usual, they keep breaking and the girly assistant has to come over a few times to unlock ours.

Finally, we get to the last item, a bottle of white spirit, and the self-checkout beeps and says, "Call assistant - confirm age over 21". I look at Mattgreen and shout, "Oi, you filthy white spirit drinker, now your secret's out!" The girl comes over. Mattgreen says, "Of course I'm going to drink it, how else am I going to get loaded on Friday night?" I say, "You really need to do something about your drink problem," as the girl authorises it. As she walks away, I can see she's not completely sure we're joking...