Mattgreen (pointing to dubious stain on his trousers): What's that?
Me: (laughing) Er.. I think Izzy had something horrible in her pocket and it got on your trousers in the washing machine... or something...
Mattgreen: I've literally only got two pairs of work trousers! I could probably wear that dark green pair...?
Me: No... you can't wear green trousers to the office!
Mattgreen: You say that, but you're not the one facing down a week of wearing the pin-striped spuzzers!
Me: How bad are they?
Mattgreen holds them up. There are several massive, dodgy-looking white stains. We both crack up laughing.
Me: You can't wear those... surely your boss would say something?
Mattgreen: Oh yeah.... (switches to boss's voice) "Listen Matt, I know we have quite a relaxed dress code, but could you please manage to turn up wearing clothes you haven't climaxed all over?"