Meeting my Morrissey

December 15, 2005

I went swimming at the gym tonight and I saw Morrissey in the jacuzzi.

He was lying with his face tilted back and his eyes closed. A classic Morrissey pose. Each time I swam towards the jacuzzi I checked again. Same haircut, same cheekbones, same age. It had to be him. I must've checked about 10 times, and couldn't see anything to suggest that it wasn't him. It had to be him.

Morrissey was my childhood hero. Today, I am wearing a faded swimming costume; a little bit overweight; legs a week unshaven; no makeup on. This is not how I imagined meeting Morrissey. What am I going to do, go up to him and say, "Hello, are you Morrissey?" What am I going to say next? "I really liked Bona Drag". That'll sound ridiculous. What the hell is Morrissey doing in the jacuzzi in a backwater gym near Dudley anyway?

I ponder for a few more lengths. Even if it is him, I can't bring myself to speak to him. I've waited 15 years to meet him, and now I can't even say hello.

Suddenly, he lifts a hand up to wipe his face. He's wearing a wedding ring. That can't be Morrissey... He stands up. He is wearing red, sporty shorts. That's definitely not Morrissey. He leaves. I feel suddenly relieved. I'd rather never meet him than meet him and not have the courage to speak.

I totally disagree with that. I met my teenage hero at a gig at Zacs in Wolverton and it remains one of the most embarrassing incidents of my life. It was like, I'd spent ages listening to his music and stuff, and it was as if I expected him to know me as much as I knew him (well, his musical career). So rather than saying 'Hi Soraya' he merely said 'What?' when he noticed me staring at him like an awe-struck guppy. I said 'I'm a big fan' and then he said 'Er, thanks. Buy my new single then' (which he was promoting. Then I crawled away into a corner to die of embarrasment. For weeks afterwards I would stop dead and cringe when I remembered it. Trust me - you cant get 15 years of pop-hero worship across when you come fact to face for the first time.
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