how to piss off other students/annoying telemarketer

May 05, 2005

i went to my tutorial tonight. really annoying bloke was there.
he is one of those know-it-all, my-anything-is-better-than-yours sort of guy who has been pissing me off since our first tutorial.

he arrived and immediately asked me what mark i got on my tutor marked assignment.

alicey: well, i was a bit disappointed actually.
him: so was i, i did really badly!
alicey: (smiles)
him: (unable to control himself a moment longer) I GOT 84!!!
alicey: (smiles)
him: what did you get?
alicey: i, errr, i just can't tell you.
him: oh go on, tell me, what did you get??
alicey: no really, i don't want to talk about it.


him: so what did you get on your assignment then?
alicey: i couldn't possibly comment.
him: did you get 88? did you get more than 84?
alicey: (keeping a straight face) i cannot reveal that information.
him: (twitching with impatience) oh go on!!
alicey: no.
him: dammit! i bet you got higher than me.
alicey: no comment.

to my credit, i didn't tell him, even though he harangued me about it all the way to the car park afterwards. he can't bear the thought that i might be better than him, yet he absolutely has to know*. it is hilarious.


at work today, matt took a phonecall at work and put the person through to me. the conversation went like this:

me: good afternoon
telemarketer: good afternoon! i hope you're having a great day!
me: yes, fine
telemarketer: i am calling from [your telecommunications company] and we are introducing a great new mobile phone service and wondered if you might be interested?
me: er, well...
telemarketer: (interrupting) oh, by the way...
me: yes?
telemarketer: (incredulously) are you a doctor?
me: (icily) no... why?
telemarketer: oh, it's just i've got down here, "dr green".
me: (even more icily) that's my husband.
telemarketer: oh right, that explains it then! so, as i was saying, about our mobile phone deal...

fucking hell, what an insult! OBVIOUSLY i couldn't be a doctor, what with me being a GIRL. female doctors, they don't exist, women are too thick, THAT EXPLAINS IT. oh my god, i was fuming when i got off the phone.

i go straight to mattgreen's office to tell him about this conversation.

mattgreen: (being nice) well, it just goes to show that you should start doing the doctorate you so richly deserve.
alicey: yeah, right. i'm just going back to my peon cell. oh no wait, maybe i should make you a cup of tea first, as that's my only useful role in life.
mattgreen: mmmmmm, tea.

* i actually got a mark of 82. it'll be a cold day in hell before i tell him that.

From the perspective of a long time OU student, my observations of this type of student have been well refined over the years. I have always been intruiged by this singular attitude of self importance. Interested in this demographic group? Read on..

My qualitative research indicates that these subjects tend to be male, usually between 45 and 70 years old, of a middle class background, with nothing better to do with their sorry, empty and loveless lives but to make younger (and often female) students feel inferior. (feeling the love yet?)

Studies also show that this group always has a particularly unfortunate taste in sweaters and may be prone to chronic halitosis....
I saw a typical example of that at my Arabic class. There is a guy who is about 40 odd, who wears sandals, white socks, a green jumper and a ma-hoo-siff comb over.He is a mathematician. The class is taught by a nice woman from Syria whose English is near-fluent. The bloke exists in this class only to assert his British superiority over Johnny Foreigner. Example: She will try and explain a sound that has no English equivalent and will write it on the whiteboard as best she can in English consonants. The bloke willthen try to outwit the woman JUST to make her feel like a stupid foreign tart. He says sentences that a)make us feel sorry for the woman, but none of us have the guts to tell him to shut up and give her a break and that b) make the rest of the class roll their eyes and want to punch him viz: "What is the transliteration of those consonants?" and "I don't see how a sound can be both a verb and a noun. Please can we have a literal elaboration of that concept?"
He was the only one in the class who sat ALONE. Mathematicians take note.
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