Last night I went to the gym. I'd had a shower and I was getting changed and there was this woman standing next to me at the hairdriers.

She was wearing pointy-toe shoes and had got her hair straighteners out of her bag. She was slim and tanned and had reapplied all her makeup after her workout. And she had slice-y blonde highlights.

Meanwhile, I had hairy legs, I don't bother with fake tan so white as a sheet, no nail varnish, hair all fluffy and messy and couldn't be bothered to dry it, disgusting frumpy clothes, no makeup and slightly overweight.

And then I farted. Not a little one, a real gigantic room-clearing ripper. The woman gave me the dirtiest look imaginable and then swept out of the changing room.

At the time I felt like the most horrible, unattractive, stinky, disgusting old granny. In retrospect, I think it's hilarious.